Futile

Disclaimer:  The following writing is senseless collection of meaningless words, written being low. Better not to read if not interested.


It's been two days since I last saw you, and a week since last spoken. Now, I lie motionless, partly lifeless on the bed with earphone plugged into my ears. I have skipped my normal playlist after too long and the songs are on shuffle. My blood is drowned in you now, and you know, each and every moments, with every cell of my body deoxygenating the blood grasps the alleged about you tight.

You might have perceived much times from me, that you are truly beautiful. You might have heard a lot about you meaning a lot to me, and you might have heard on unvarying intervals about me loving you. But, those all really do not mean whatsoever to you, do they?

Even though they do not mean anything to you, I cannot stop myself repeating those things even if I want. You are into my structure now, and getting you out is intolerable. You are a drug to me, my lungs crave for your occurrence or just even your thoughts with every single breathe. This pair of eyes of mine, always are in search for you, for your eyes; those perfect black eyes under the spectacles are my favorite color. My ears longs to hear you, always- for your giggle is my favorite sound. Each heartbeat of me wants you to be with me, wants to feel your raven black hair with red tint. I want to gaze into your eyes to know what my world really is. I want to hold your hand on my hands and know how it feels to be loved by someone. I want to be there in your heart, may it be just even once to feel the balminess of your love.

I am envious. Yes, I am jealous of every other guy you share your giggle with. I am jealous of the guy you love, the guy you gave your heart to. I lay stationary like today, with every un-replied texts of yours. I can never get exhausted of getting your reply back, but the wait always ditches me into the dirty pool of emotions like today and compel to write these nonsense bulk of words, which are not in any way connected to even another sentence in the same paragraph.

Sam Smith is now humming, "Why am I so emotional? No it's not a good look, gain some self-control". Easy said Sam Smith; but had he ever vexed it? I try it endlessly; I try to control myself from falling for you every-day, knowing that you will never love me like I do. I know I won't ever have a place in your heart, I know you will never be mine. I know you feel nothing for me, but I cannot gain any self-control. All my plans of not texting you fades away when I even see your name. My hard fought decision of flouting you simply melts when I see you. And yes, I lose my self-control.

All I can say is I love you, and, more than anyone else. I would not ask you to dear me back, after all, you taught me, love does not progress, it appears. There is no end to this futile writing, but I did this because I love you, unconditionally.









Comments

  1. AnonymousSeptember 23, 2016 at 11:57 PM

    Well me I fall in love with you every single day. :)

    ReplyDelete

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