Unimportant
Disclaimer: Be clear at the beginning, I am not a pessimist. Yeah, I might have been disturbed by the whole day studies and late night waiting, but I am not a pessimist. I might sound like such, but I swear I am not such. I might even sound highly depressed at some point, which I have not been able to figure out myself.
Its 15 minutes to midnight. I, all by myself, am still gawking at the un-replied 'Good Night' text I sent 2 hour 33 minutes ago. I am not waiting for the reply text (which do not arrive anyway) as usual. Today, I am waiting to draw a conclusion.
And, though I loathe to say it, I am awfully frustrated to know that I have made myself unimportant to you.
I now realize, it was my mistake. I now comprehend, I deliberated myself being too close to you, and led myself far beyond the point where you would relish my concern. I have led myself to the situation where you would not even care to throw a squint at me. I now apprehend, I have made a stern blunder. I guess, it was me who couldn't think of this.
Yes, now I know, I am unimportant to you.
NO- do not try to blame yourself for whatsoever. I am seriously the sole bearer of the guilt and mistakes. I should have known that my early 'Good Morning' texts saddened you; and those were the ones to make you feel my triviality. I should have identified, my 'Good Night' texts, were not even worthy of simple peek of yours. I should have known, every call of mine vexed you. I should have known, that each complements I passed were just mere lump of words to you, which all and sundry passed. I ought to have known, each sorrow I communed were window for you to gaze at a mess inside me, a mess inside out. And, they were utterly unimportant to you.
Yes, they were completely unimportant to you-just like I am.
But, do take care of, even those 'once in a blue moon' advents of yours brought huge tsunamis over my heart. And then, the tsunami would last enough to cheer for a week, whose aftermath would be a haphazard shower in my eyes; ruthlessly pouring rainfall, knowing you do not care.
Even now, the monsoon has not terminated. I know I am unimportant to you.
I jumped at joy at every petty things I had to do for you. I waited for you outside the school gate (even after knowing that you had gone). I walked a mile more to drop you home, so that I could wade you goodbye a little late. I gazed involuntarily at you, so that I could pour you on paper as a metaphor. I pinned my ears back at every single words of yours, so that they would be the melody of my guitar. I just stood in-front of you so that you would throw away a hint of smile.
But, none of these are a concern for you, are they? After all, I am unimportant to you.
Its 15 minutes to midnight. I, all by myself, am still gawking at the un-replied 'Good Night' text I sent 2 hour 33 minutes ago. I am not waiting for the reply text (which do not arrive anyway) as usual. Today, I am waiting to draw a conclusion.
And, though I loathe to say it, I am awfully frustrated to know that I have made myself unimportant to you.
I now realize, it was my mistake. I now comprehend, I deliberated myself being too close to you, and led myself far beyond the point where you would relish my concern. I have led myself to the situation where you would not even care to throw a squint at me. I now apprehend, I have made a stern blunder. I guess, it was me who couldn't think of this.
Yes, now I know, I am unimportant to you.
NO- do not try to blame yourself for whatsoever. I am seriously the sole bearer of the guilt and mistakes. I should have known that my early 'Good Morning' texts saddened you; and those were the ones to make you feel my triviality. I should have identified, my 'Good Night' texts, were not even worthy of simple peek of yours. I should have known, every call of mine vexed you. I should have known, that each complements I passed were just mere lump of words to you, which all and sundry passed. I ought to have known, each sorrow I communed were window for you to gaze at a mess inside me, a mess inside out. And, they were utterly unimportant to you.
Yes, they were completely unimportant to you-just like I am.
But, do take care of, even those 'once in a blue moon' advents of yours brought huge tsunamis over my heart. And then, the tsunami would last enough to cheer for a week, whose aftermath would be a haphazard shower in my eyes; ruthlessly pouring rainfall, knowing you do not care.
Even now, the monsoon has not terminated. I know I am unimportant to you.
I jumped at joy at every petty things I had to do for you. I waited for you outside the school gate (even after knowing that you had gone). I walked a mile more to drop you home, so that I could wade you goodbye a little late. I gazed involuntarily at you, so that I could pour you on paper as a metaphor. I pinned my ears back at every single words of yours, so that they would be the melody of my guitar. I just stood in-front of you so that you would throw away a hint of smile.
But, none of these are a concern for you, are they? After all, I am unimportant to you.
This is simply phenomenal! In love with your words and the way of presenting it :)
ReplyDeleteYou are literally all over this blog? What should I guess by that Aditi?
DeleteAnyway Yugantar, well written.... :)
Its a credence...sometime u might b at that priority level but they r nt supposed to show how important u r to them... btw great writing
ReplyDelete