A Little More Please

You think I will miss you? No, I won't! You think I can't live without you? Yes, I can! You think I am completely, exhaustingly in love with you? No, I am not! Then why? Why do I suppurate every single time when your name is taken? Why do I want to cling with you the rest of my life? Why do I look at you once, twice and again, and again? Why can I never forget you? Why do I try to sneak in every time I pass by you? Why do I keep on searching chances to get inside you? WHY?

You are illusory. You talk of virtuous grades and niftier broods. You talk of dreams and ambitions. You talk of making friends and memories. You talk of leading the world. You talk of holding the head high- but hearts; you never talk about hearts breaking here right? You never told me that I was going to be away from you someday? Why didn't you ever tell me that here, people don't make friends, they grow into a family. Why didn’t you tell me that missing you would never be enough? WHY?

You think you are the best in the city. NO. You are so much more than that. Your tall gates aren't barriers, they are defenses. Every disciplinary action- a nurture. Every little punitive word- a benediction. Every step here- an unforgettable memory.

Where do I even begin?

Do I talk about all those classes I bunked, and thought of bunking but did not? Or do I say about the endless photographs with that school camera or the mobiles we hid in our inner coat pocket? Do I talk about good, timeworn, sacred stage of yours where I truly discovered myself? The same old stage where I declaimed my poem for the very first time; the same sacred stage where I was felicitated; the same old stage you wade me bye? Do I talk about that tall podium next to that stage where I ascended to show others I can truly express? The podium where I learnt that hearts can be delivered when you truly intend to. Do I talk about those 'prefect jokes' we cracked on the assembly podium beside Saraswati statue whilst Joshi sir was on his lecture? Do I talk about the conduction of assembly where I recited Morning Prayer for evening assembly? Do I talk of the gratified feeling of receiving the medals and certificates on the same assembly podium?  Or do I talk about those numb feelings I had standing on top of the balcony above the auditorium?

Do I talk about the SQC moments, where laughter and fun were unlimited? Do I talk about the proud captain ship and prefecture moments? Do I talk about all those fun moments outside the class? Do I talk about the mock sessions? Do I talk about those hilarious moments of irritating the teachers or those alarming classes of Panta ma'am? Would all those even fit in words? Would all those even be enough to be described on these mere pages?

The zephyr will still blow. Their hairs will come untrimmed now, not mine. The prefects and captains will still pick them out, not me! There would be rush on the stairs and they will fall, not me! They would still be out for the name of decorating house boards or for the sake of collecting names for house events, not me! The canteen will still be favorite place and the food will still taste heavenly. But they will have it, not me! The classes will still get monotonous sometimes. They will sleep during the class, not me. There will still be inter school competitions. They will represent you, not me. There will still be morning and evening assemblies. They will conduct it, not me. There will still be inter house competitions, and they will host it, not me! There will still be those long lectures from Joshi sir! And THEY will chatter, not ME.

Why did you make us leave then? Weren't we good enough for you? I guess we never can.

Is it a goodbye then? For me, it isn't, it never will be. Goodbyes are heartbreaking. And I guess I am not strong enough. So don’t call it a goodbye. Just go, and don’t look back. For I have to leave now and will return- someday soon. Till then give me a little more of yourself, Please LRI?