A Sleeping Heart

Love,

I have no better salutation for you. For you are much more than words.

Have you ever watched anyone sleep love? From start to the deepest of level you reach. Have you ever?

I am watching you sleep right now love. Online, but I am watching you. I've never watched anyone sleep before, but I can tell you, I'll never feel this peaceful even if I do watch someone else. The way you move your hands, your closed eyes, your lips. Everything. The small movements you make, those occasional long breathes, and simple rhythm. There is silence and I wish I could savour it all for my lifetime. Not from this virtual screen, but being with you.

You are beautiful. Not just because I like you. Because you really are.

I am whispering like stupid that I love you on my earphones right now. I would have wanted you to hear what I say, but you know them anyway.

It's peaceful. Everything. The rhythmic rise and fall of your blanket, your closed eyes and your hand under your cheek, sandwitched with pillow. The curtain behind your bed, pinkish color of your wall, your perfect eyebrows, your eyes. Everything love.

I repeat this everytime and I know my constant repetition makes it worse, but I love you. I truly do.

I don't know of any of these makes sense. My blabbering. The video nearly went out right now. You haven't turned an inch and it's been nearly an hour since I watched you.

It's exact midnight now. And you know, you are too perfect for me. The way you are, who you are. You are just so pretty darn perfect girl. And me, a potato (so bad I had forgotten this simile for myself). A dumb potato, who you know have no exact qualities or standards to meet yours. I know it, you know it, just that you cope up with it. And I cannot be more grateful and thankful.

I love you, for all compromises and sacrifices you made for me.

You are asleep. Sound asleep. Beautifully asleep. Your blanket has touched your microphone in some way and it's making really weird noises, but you look beautiful.

It's drizzling here. Just a little bit. But I can now hear you breathing and believe me it's beautiful. Nothing of any sort I heard before.

I wish I now could kiss your forehead and you wouldn't notice. Your lashes are over your eyes and your beautiful lips are in a state of nothingness. I love them even if they aren't curved into a soft smile.

Oh how I wish I could lay my cheek against your warm ones and your soft fingers running around my patch of ungrown short hair.

It relaxes me, to see you sleep. I am in such a peace. Its been like 8 days since I slept well after returning from  the ritual of my grandmother's funeral and, I never felt this relaxed.

I am not lying when I say you are my everything. I mean it. I fucking crave to reach up to you and gently put your hands on my cheek.

You are exhaustingly lovely. So sweet and kind. Your eyes... Oh good lord.. your hair.. I could lose myself in there forever. Everything heart. Everything.

I love you. You are beautiful.

I can watch this forever and I won't get tired of it. This is one of the best thing I can ever feel. Thank you for letting your camera on this whole night. I just cannot thank you enough.

I just cannot stand the idea of losing you. Not in anyway possible. I'd strangle myself before anything such happens. I love you. A fucking very much. Like no one could ever imagine. And yes I am boasting, and yes I know what I am doing because this is true.

You just moved a little now. A little below from where you were sleeping. Not that I have difficulty in seeing you, but the blankets gone little down. Your breathes are little longer now, and you probably are in the deep rem. I wish I could just touch you right now. My hands on your head.

I just am not worth you. You beautiful creature, such lovely person. I am just nothing...

I love you, and nothing could be more true than this right now. I love you. And I mean it.
They say repetition is a lie, but fuck em.

I just wish to be with you. Forever. Regardless of anything that might happen. Any fucking thing. I'd do anything so that I'll mean something to you. I'll do any fucking thing that'll let me be something really important in your life. I could cut off my arms or just do anything so that'd I'd be good enough for you to rely upon me. I love you.

You moved again. Huge one now. You kind of hugged yourself and I can see you hand and that ring in your pinkie. You responded to me calling your name in whisper with really sleepy 'ah' (in voice) with closed eyes and went back to sleep again.

I really dot need anything. Ask me not to touch you. Ask me not to meet you, I will. But please, don't leave this pathetic loser. But it's not sympathy seeker but a lover speaking. Without you, I am freaking sure I'd be torn apart.

Please, don't leave me.
Slap me, kick me, cut me, hurt me; but please, be with me. Hold my hands, hug me.

Just give me a chance in my life. A chance to sleep by your wonderful self, and maybe whisper all these in your ears, while you sleep.

I love you. Have a great day. I'm still watching you.
I want to. Forever.
Please. Let me.